Gridiron Gag-Me

Posted by Jenny in Book Report | 16 Comments

It is my pleasure today to share with you the insanity known as the Seattle Seahawks Gridiron Gourmet — a fundraiser cookbook from 1983 credited to “the Seattle Seahawks player’s wives.”

Gridiron1

I purchased this at what we now refer to as “the freak sale.” It was in a box of wacky pamphlets that were priced at a firm $1 each. This was the only one I decided was worth it. And let me tell you, I have definitely gotten my dollar’s worth of entertainment from this baby! It’s like the Bad ’80s Hair edition of Awkward Family Photos, crossed with Gallery of Regrettable Food: The Next Generation.

Gridiron6

The food in these photos actually has no bearing whatsoever to the featured recipe. For example, the recipe featured above is “Strawberry Trifle.” And despite this happy couple’s use of a pasta machine, their recipe is for something called “Baked Stew.”

Gridiron3

It is kind of tragic that the food isn’t pictured. I can only imagine the glory of the “Pretzel Jello Salad” presented by this glamorous family.

Gridiron17

Or the “Party Log” shared by these folks.

Gridiron15

Oh yeah. Party Log. Ingredients: cream cheese, scallions, olives, and one small jar of dried beef. Sounds like a party to me!

The sheer datedness of this thing is pretty amazing. Here’s a shot where — if you can believe it — they have a whole role reversal thing going on. I mean, isn’t it wacky how the man is serving the food to the woman?! If that was ever to happen, they’d obviously be wearing the “wrong” clothes.

Gridiron14

Their recipe is “Carrot Cake,” which seems sane enough, except for the inclusion of “3 small jars strained carrots (baby food).” (For completely unknown reasons, this is one of two baby-food-using carrot cake recipes.)

I think this next shot may also be trying to make some kind of commentary on the inability of the menfolk to perform simple food preparation tasks like putting together a sandwich. Though I suspect that trying to deconstruct these pictures is a losing battle.

Gridiron16

There is definitely something a little off with a lot of these photos. Like this one — naturally, the accompanying recipe is “Frosted Peanut Butter Bars.”

Gridiron7

Not to mention this. Football players, or serial killers?

Gridiron13

In case anyone gets the wrong idea about these two, their “Buttermilk Pancake” recipe clearly states that it makes “about 15 bachelor-sized pancakes.” Get it? They’re not a couple. Just two bachelors, hanging out together, enjoying the finer things in life. Until Mrs. Right comes along and takes away their Bud and potato chips.

There isn’t much evidence for the cooking skills of some of the wives, either. There is no food in this photo, and the recipe is for “Russian Tea.” Bet you didn’t know there’s Tang in that.

Gridiron11

These two, however, are shown with a bountiful array of produce. Clearly, they’re toasting their good fortune to be in possession of such a large zucchini.

Gridiron8

The decor in these photos is also worth mentioning. In the sense that it’s practically non-existent.

Gridiron5

Really, did everything just look wrong in the ’80s?

Gridiron12

There were many more pages in this cookbook. Many, many more. But I think you get the idea. I’ll just leave you with one more of my favorite pages, which has a recipe for Rutabaga Apple Casserole. The photo that was chosen to go with that?

Gridiron4

Yeah, I’m pretty sure this gem was worth $1.

16 Responses to Gridiron Gag-Me

  1. lauren says:

    amazing. thank you for the laugh tonight <3

  2. Savina says:

    What a gem! Fine Art at it’s best! Maybe submit these photos and win some sort of prestigious art prize for their radically subversive qualities…thanks for the laughs!

  3. kelly says:

    that is hilarious!

  4. Vonlipi says:

    That was HILARIOUS! Thank you so very much for sharing! Those are tacky pictures! Yes we were dressed like that in the 80’s…SCARY!

  5. LIz says:

    This reminds me Akwardfamilyphotos.com

    Awesome !

  6. havalina says:

    HA! Nice post! This sort of thing just makes my week when I find it. Jealous of your score.

  7. terry lee says:

    very funny post. wild pics and great commentary!

    enjoyed the visit, as always.

    terry lee

  8. Trish says:

    Bajaahh yes!! HILARIOUS!!!

  9. meghan says:

    um, I just realized that this dumb thing was $9.95 when it was new.

  10. Karen says:

    Definitely worth the dollar! Priceless!!

  11. Carrie says:

    That last photo was….wow. Just…wow.

  12. Maria says:

    these need to be FRAMED. i think my favorite is the guy wearing the apron and head scarf. the baby looks very authoritative in that photo.

  13. Eddie Ross says:

    Ok I am in LOVE with your blog it’s so F-ing funny! you will see me here a lot!!! Thanks for thre laughs!

    Would also LOVE your support on the ELLE DECOR window I did for the Big Window Challenge this year with Apartment Therapy. Check it out at http://www.bigwindowchallenge com. As we all know, AT doesn’t make it easy, but you can vote TWICE a day, once online and the other by texting “1” to 89800.

    Your support means the world to me!!

    Xo
    Eddie

  14. Flo says:

    hahahaha wow, that thing is priceless! reminds me a lot of a cookbook my grandma’s church ladies group made a while ago that I got a copy of in my christmas stocking which had more jello salad recipies than should be allowed, and quite a few dessert recipies that started with “take a box of cake mix, follow directions…” and one that required balancing a cake upside-down on a 2ltr soda bottle, complete with instructions not to bang your cabinet doors while doing this, as well as more mentions of velvita cheese, and cool whip than my stomach likes to consider…