Yard Sale Bloodbath

Last Sunday our pal (and occasional guest star) Leslie hosted one of her regular “Bitch-N-Swap” events. She’s been doing these for a few years and invites all her friends to bring stuff they don’t want and take stuff they do want in a crazed free-for-all frenzy. Experience has taught her to get increasingly strict about what is and is not allowed at the swap, and she’s put together a useful — and hilarious! — “forbidden items list.” It’s a pretty funny round-up of Least Wanted Items. I laugh every time I read it and Leslie has graciously allowed us to reproduce it here.

Bitch-N-Swap Forbidden Items List

ALL swap items must be clean enough to be snuggled directly against your vagina/mangina.

One person’s trash may be another man’s treasure, but the following “treasures” are FORBIDDEN at the BNS. (ALL of this stuff has been brought to past swaps, it is always here when everyone leaves, the thrifts won’t take much of this, and I’ve had to pay disposal fees.)

Anyone bringing the following items will be ejected immediately!

General Restrictions
Perfume, cologne, after-shave, air fresheners - all liquid chemical scents. Due to allergies and some asthmatic swappers, chemical scents are not permitted in the house either in containers or on your skin.

ODORS: Items that are permeated with mildew, smoke, pet, or perfume odors.

STAINED CLOTHING: No rust, grime, grease, pet hair-encrusted, presidential snake juice stained, or that sort of thing.

ANYTHING that is isn’t clean enough to store in your own lingerie or man-panties drawer is not permitted at the swap. Leftover clothing is donated to a food/clothing bank and must be clean and in good condition.

Anything decorated with the aid of a glue gun or puffy paint is forbidden.

Anything decorated with the following motifs: Disney characters, teddy bears, angels, geese, cows, corporate marketing logos, stars and stripes or American flags is forbidden. If this is your thing, Goodwill is calling you.

Tobacco products/drug paraphernalia. Again, allergies/asthma, it’s smoke-free here.

Forbidden Items by Category

Baby/Toddler/Kiddie Supplies: Car seats, pacifiers, larger plastic equipment, sippy cups, plastic dishware, Little Tykes items, BIG toys or play sets (anything over 16 inches).

Baskets/Straw/Wicker/Cornhusk: No exceptions, really. Don’t even think of bringing any of it. There’s already enough kindling here.

Book/Media/Office Supply Restrictions:

• AAA Tour Guides & maps.
• Audio tapes of any kind or size.
• Dictionaries, Encyclopedias, Price Guides, computer/software books.
• Home-recorded or blank video tapes.
• Textbooks (OK if vintage or containing amusing clip art).
• Photo Albums & BINDERS

Clothing Restrictions:

• All post-1979 garments must be in good condition. That means no fading, tears, holes, stains, pit fade, heavy pilling, poorly done repairs (including use of duct tape), or very faded fabric. The exception: wool sweaters with holes & vintage garments with salvageable parts for quilters, felters, and knitters.
• DOCKERS ANYTHING.
• No garments that are coated or embedded with pet hair or mystery fuzz.
• Graduation caps & gowns.
• Hats –STRAW, cowboy, Santa, large-brimmed, hard-hats, costume hats, or cheap costume wigs.
• Event, marathon, or sports team T-shirts.
• Lingerie or exercise wear that is completely trashed, stretched out, the spandex has rotted, or it no longer holds anything up or in.
• Shoes/boots/sandals/socks must be in very good condition or better. Visible and olfactory evidence of foot funk really turns most swappers off, particularly with sandals and flip flops.

Corporate Logos: Proceed with extreme caution. Generally Microsoft, Group Health, Boeing, and other logo-emblazoned give-away marketing materials are unloved both by the original recipients and swappers. Thrift stores and landfills are overflowing with this stuff. Please consider how useful it will be to another swapper and if the corporate logo generates warm-n-fuzzy feelings and/or laughter.

Cosmetics/Hair/Jewelry/Supplements/OTC Medication Restrictions:

• Any cosmetic item that is very used, less than 60% remains at the bottom of the container, or is spoiled, disintegrated, melted, dirty, crusty, or has the labeling info worn off the bottle/package.
• Contact lens and glasses cases.
• 80s & 90s plastic headbands, hair bows, barrettes, combs, and hair ornaments.
  Expired and/or opened supplements and OTC medications.

Dishware/Kitchen/Food Container Restrictions:

• Unwashed or stained dishware or cookware (honestly, someone brought unwashed coffee-encrusted cups to the May ‘06 swap and cookie sheets that wouldn’t have come clean with a sand blaster).
• Chipped/cracked/broken dishware or glassware.
• Coffee mugs: Proceed with caution and avoid dull corporate logos.
• Tupperware and plastic containers with melt marks, stains, and warping.
• NO Decorative food packaging tins. (However, bring on the lunchboxes!)
• Plastic travel mugs, drink bottles, and Big Gulp type cups.
• Cutlery trays: Plastic and coated wire.
• Dish drying racks.
• Travel mugs that are missing lids.
• Winery tour or corporate logo stemware.
• Plain ice cube trays (fun shapes and metal are OK).
• Pot holders and oven mitts (vintage or silicone OK).
• Placemats.

Electronics/Computer Restrictions:

• ALL Computers, keyboards, and accessories are forbidden.
• All electronics or small appliances in poor/damaged condition or missing cords.
• Large appliances.
• Fax machines, printers, and printer cartridges.
• Televisions / Monitors.
• Mysterious cords and misc. parts
• Cell phones and cell phone accessories.
• Landline telephones unless vintage (pre-1975).
• Headphones.
• Phone cords, speaker wire, other cables.
• Digital clocks (plug in variety).
• Calculators.

Eyewear - Glasses cases and contact lens cases.

Furniture – any/all (No room at the inn).

Linens - Restrictions:

• Blankets: acrylic or worn/stained/pilled or infested with holes.
• Mattress pads and covers.
• PILLOWS: decorative throw pillows unless vintage or leopard print.
• Sheets should be bagged up and the size noted.
• PLEASE BRING ugly/stained/holey towels for the SPCA

Milk Crates

Scrap booking supplies

Solvents, Chemicals, Febreeze, Pesticides, Draino, and other hazardous liquids. http://www.govlink.org/hazwaste/house/products/list.cfm

Suitcases (even little overnight suitcases), luggage, and garment bags.

Toys: anything that is soiled, moldy, or severely damaged. Beanie Babies, Happy Meal toys, plush toys (unless vintage, handmade, or dog-safe - no pellet filling or plastic bits on those), oversized toys, and jigsaw puzzles.

Window Treatments: Mini-blinds, Roman shades, & 1980s curtains.

People started dropping things off a few days early and sadly, many of the forbidden items turned up anyway! I think she took 9 large trash bags full of Dockers (!), corporate-logo items, and other unswappables over to a clothing drop-box before the swap even happened.

I was pretty excited to go to the swap since I’ve been hearing about them for years but have always been unable to make it for one reason or another. Did it live up to my expectations? All will be revealed in my next post!

It’s 9:30 am on Saturday and I have been to one sale this week. Sad, I know. Let me explain — Seattle weather has been the pits. In the last three days it’s been pissing rain, hail, storming, and windy. In fact, it’s “broke my large Bauer flower pot” sort of weather.

I looked to see about any Friday sales and found nothing even close to our part of town.

This morning was more of the same, with the exception of one sale listing itself as “lovers of old, cool and funky things but we’ve moved in together and there’s too much stuff! Vintage clothing, retro, general household, vintage fabrics and lots of nic-nacs and collectibles.”

Rain be damned, I’m going.

I went 1/2 hour early just to check out when they would be open and found a mountain of clothing still in the bags. It was a mess, but I knew she had good stuff, so I just started digging.

They ended up being really nice, and the sale was under cover. I was happy that I managed to pull out some really good items before some of the regular pickers that swoop in and take everything.

It ended up being a really good sale — I didn’t take a trunk photo, but I did get some great stuff which you can see here on my couch. An Enid Collins purse, two vintage dresses, one silk velvet robe, a couple of books, a pair of Seven jeans, cute newer cowboy boots, a cute winter hat and a topless 30’s framed photo of some can-can dancers!

In my previous post I didn’t bother to report on what ended up in our trunk last Saturday.

It wasn’t the most score-o-riffic day. All I bought was one pair of kids’ shoes, one unremarkable picture frame, a book about Value Village/Savers (which I was hoping would be a down and dirty expose, but turned out to be a feel-good job published by the company themselves), and the skirt you see draped over the middle there. The seller had bought it at Anthropologie but said she never wore it because it made her butt look big. I love the pattern, but when I tried it on I had to admit that it doesn’t really do my lower half any favors either.

Meghan filled up a big red “hazardous waste” bag with some vintage dresses, shirts, and a cool old quilt that was only $10. She picked up some other odds and ends like books, small stuffed animals destined to be destroyed by her dog in a matter of minutes, and a great vintage houndstooth sweater-jacket that looked great on her, but which she later reported was itchy. Oh, and one record: “Happy Birthday” by Altered Images, which then went through our heads for the rest of the morning. (And if you know that song, now it’s probably going through yours. Sorry.)

Meghan and I went out on Saturday in ridiculously heavy fog. At first it was so bad that we couldn’t see half a block in front of us. The first sale we tried to go to wasn’t set up yet, but it took us a while to make sure that we weren’t just missing it because of the low visibility conditions.

Sales were pretty much a mixed bag, and most were along the lines of those we’ve described before: the sale with cool stuff but prices at least five times higher than expected, the sale that looked good from the car but had nothing, the sale that was okay but seemed like it would have been great earlier, the sale that we just drove by because it was nothing but baby stuff, and others that don’t really need more details. But there were two sales that we went to that were interesting — individually, and even more so as a study of yard sale contrasts.

The first of these was out on the back patio of a really charming house, complete with a small detached cottage which probably served as an office — it was a whole world of cute. As soon as we walked into the back, the woman said “Welcome! May I offer you a cup of hot coffee or tea?” I declined politely while marveling at her hospitality — I think it was the first time I’d ever been offered a complimentary hot beverage at a sale. And the graciousness didn’t stop there … as we were scoping out her stuff, we noticed a basket of freshly baked scones sitting on one of the tables!

Her stuff was all priced and laid out neatly. I kept thinking there was something I wanted to buy, but didn’t end up needing anything. Still, I enjoyed perusing the various travel souvenirs (mostly French), knick-knacks, and interesting books she had. Even though I didn’t want to buy her stuff, I wouldn’t have minded stepping into her life for a little while and visiting some of the places she’d been to.

Let’s compare this to the last sale of the day. Just a few blocks from home we saw signs for a sale - it had “today” taped over some previous date, which made us a little suspicious, but we decided to check it out anyway. We turned onto the street and saw a gigantic tent … on the lawn of the house that we remembered from their truly horrible looking non-sale a few weeks back!

I think that we would have just kept on driving if we weren’t compelled to investigate for blogging purposes. We walked up, and the lady apologized because she was still bringing things out. It was almost noon.

We stepped into the tent and she followed us in, babbling about how she could make us a really good deal on plastic coat hangers … the kind with metal clips on them. Perhaps in her universe these are a hot item. I wasn’t really paying much attention because I was so freaked out. The tent had cut-out squares of grubby beige carpet on the floor, with a very small assortment of unpriced and unremarkable items arranged here and there. There was nothing there that I thought anyone who happened upon her sale was likely to buy. The fact that she took the time to set up a tent and lay down carpet squares (?!) was bizarre, considering that she didn’t have all that much and that it wasn’t going to rain. The whole scene made me want to run away, fast. (But not before snapping a picture, of course! Sorry you can’t see the hangers …)

These two sales were pretty much on opposite ends of the scale as far as yard sale shopping ambiance goes. But I didn’t buy anything at either sale, so does it really matter? To some, the sales would be the same: each failed to produce any scores, end of story. But part of what I like about going to sales is getting a glimpse into all these other lives: their stuff, their personalities, their houses (or tents). If all sales gave you the same experience, it would probably get pretty boring after a while. I’m happy enough to take the lame, crusty, and freaky sales along with the civilized, organized, and entertaining ones.

While I was in Texas I was able to hit some pretty good thrift stores in Austin, some vintage stores, and various antique malls and flea markets.

Overall I found Austin to be overpriced and somewhat picked over … with a few exceptions.

Room Service Vintage has two locations and both seem to carry about the same sort of items: ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s clothing, dishware and furniture, at reasonable prices.

Cream Vintage has very fairly priced vintage clothing, with a slant towards ’70s hipster t-shirts and Levis turned into miniskirts. Bright and cheery, and they also do rock shows.

La Luz Home and Fashion carries midcentury modern furniture, vintage clothing and glassware. Clean larger space, fair prices.

Austin has tons of thrift stores and I managed to hit about 15 of them. I only purchased one item, but I think if I lived in Austin and could hit them on a more regular basis they would yield some good items.

While in Dallas I hit a GREAT hipster antique mall, with what looked like about 15 vendors, called Dolly Python. If I would have been flush in cash and ready to mail items home, I would have picked up a huge pile of junk. This is a great place if you want to find a vintage pair of cowboy boots or some ’60s clothing. Well worth a stop if you are in Dallas.

One place that I found super shocking was Beckie’s Antiques and Tobacco in Dallas.

WTF? Yeah, I need a Heywood Wakefield dresser and a carton of Camel 100’s. She was closed when I drove by, so I can’t give you a full recap.

Around the halfway mark out of Dallas we stopped at a “barn sale.”

This turned out to be another perma-sale under a very large carport/covered porch. They had some all right stuff, but no prices. Not one person came out of the house to help us and I don’t think anyone was even home.

Earlier in the week someone had mentioned that we should hit the Austin Flea Market. My boyfriend and I both wanted to get leather belts with our names stamped in them and we heard that this would be the place. When we drove up there was a line of cars to get into the parking lot.

This place was insane. It was all crazy Mexican items (in a good way). They sold new everything. Tires, corn on the cob, cowboy boots - you name it. Nothing was old, so that was sad, but it was cool to walk around and people watch. I loved this booth filled with lace for dressmaking.

We both left with belts, so it was a good end to the vacation.

While in Texas we spent three days in Dallas. On Friday and Saturday I made plans to try and hit some yard sales, or at the very least some thrift stores. Both days we had drank a little too much the night before and just couldn’t get going in the morning. In fact on Saturday we didn’t leave the house until noon. So, is Dallas a bust? I have no friggin’ idea.

On the three hour drive back to Austin we talked about trying to stop in Waco, but we thought it might be too bible-thumper. Then we saw the sign: Antique Mall and Free Dog Collectibles Museum.

The antique mall itself was all right, but when you are faced with bringing items home in your suitcase that is already bulging … I didn’t buy a single item.

The dog museum was pretty cool with over 7000 items — many of them I would have loved to own.

Saturday was cold and drizzly and Meghan was still out of town, but I had the itch to hit some sales and headed off alone around 8:30. Going to sales in the off-season is a whole different deal. In summertime you can just drive around for three hours and barely make it out of one neighborhood. From about October through April there aren’t that many sales and more time is always spent driving around to different neighborhoods (or even waiting in line for estate sales to open up). There aren’t as many people going out, but there always seems to be more competition at the few sales that there are. It’s a very different vibe, but it can still be fun.

The first sale I went to was an estate sale where the ad looked great. I walked into the garage and immediately heard one shopper say to another, “They have good stuff, but their prices are way too high!” Not a good sign, and it turned out to be pretty true. The stuff was piled up in boxes and piles in the basement, unpriced except for some generic signs on certain items. I asked about a couple of things knowing that I probably wouldn’t want to pay what they wanted, and I was right. I left without buying anything. As I drove off I was thinking that if the stuff had been nicely arranged and clearly priced, it wouldn’t have seemed all that bad. I have nothing against digging through toppling-over disorganized piles, but then I expect things to be cheaper than antique store prices.

Next, I hit a series of sales where people were sitting there shivering in their garages with really unremarkable stuff. Then I decided to go to a sale that happens twice a year, a fundraiser for an artists’ group that puts on an annual crazy solstice parade. Meghan and I have been to this sale quite a few times and you would think that they would have great funky arty crap, but you would be wrong. I have never bought anything and most of the stuff always seems to be on the lame and/or hippie side of things. I knew that Meghan would be horrified that I even bothered to go, but part of me thought that maybe this was the year that there would be a ton of really great stuff. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. I think the huge parade float pieces do lend a little something to the shopping experience, though.

Finally I made it over to an estate sale that sounded interesting. It was in a cool ’50s house painted blue and built into the side of a steep hill. The living room had an incredible view and was filled with interesting things. I instantly felt glad to be there and knew that even if I didn’t find anything at least I’d enjoy spending a bit of time digging through the house.

The prices all seemed to be in that range where if you really want something it’s not bad, without being so cheap that people are going nuts buying things for resale. There were a few tiki items and a lot of souvenirs from foreign lands. It seemed like the people who lived there must have been pretty interesting. I later overheard one of the sellers saying that they had been university professors, then retired and had second careers as antique dealers. Which would explain the whole room full of priced antiques (offered here for half of the price on the tags) and the tons of antique price guides and books they had.

After scoping out the living room and kitchen I headed downstairs, which was at least five separate basement rooms filled with stuff. There were books in almost every room in the house.

One of the rooms was full of dolls and crafting supplies.

I was amazed at how organized the crafter had been. She had gone nuts with her label maker. She labeled everything! There were small plastic storage boxes with labels spelling everything out. “Red trim.” “Gold trim.” “Blue trim.” It was amazing. This tool cabinet filled with buttons and doodads is just one example.

The labels were most prominent in the crafting area, but even extended into other parts of the house. She even put labels on things where you could see the contents, so there was really no need for a label. I guess she was just on a roll. (In this case, the contents of the box must have gotten mixed up at some point prior to the sale. Or maybe she started moving stuff around and lost interest in the whole labeling project.)

I had found one great piece of barkcloth in the craft area but that was all, and I was sure there had to be something else I wanted. I started looking through more of the books and ended up pulling some out that seemed like they had to be worth more than the $1 or $2 they were asking, although I really didn’t know for sure. I ended up buying a good-sized stack. Later, I looked them up online and found that I will be lucky to even get my money back. At this point I started asking myself what I was thinking, considering that I already have plenty of unwanted books at home to deal with and I really didn’t need to be bringing back any more. When I really thought about it, I decided that the answer is gambling. Part of me likes to gamble, and if one of those books had ended up being valuable it would have been really exciting. I’ll give a couple away to people I know who will like them, but the rest will just get sold to some bookstore or at my next yard sale for whatever I can get. I suppose if I have to have a gambling-oriented vice, spending $20 on yard sale books every once in a while might be a better option than compulsively buying scratch-offs or developing an online poker habit.

I arrived in Austin on a Friday night and made plans to go out and hit some sales the next day with a local Texan (a short-lived Seattle expat). Lisa had warned me not to expect too much, saying that the thrift stores can be good with repeat visits, but that most yard sales are pretty bad. I was thinking “How bad can they be?” Let me just say: BAD. I know that Jenny and I are lucky and we live in a part of town that yields some major finds, but I had no idea how different Texas would be.

We started out hitting some regular sales, nothing to report. We had to drive all over Austin to get to the few sales that we did hit — it’s spread out around these parts.

We went to a very strange perma-sale.

I am not actually sure if it really was a sale that he had all the time, but it had that feel. Nothing good to buy, but he had a ton of stuff.

Lisa and I hit a sale that has a table of fuzzy kitten items. I was too shy to try and take a photo, but the woman showed us a Renaissance Faire item that looked like a kitten on a stick that I guess you put into your top with the kitten sticking out of your boobs and then you make it move its head with the stick running down near your waist. We high-tailed it out of there fast.

We stopped at one more sale, where they had a suit of armor and a table full of nutcrackers.

Lisa purchased some records and a really cool lamp for $3. I for once didn’t buy a single item!

Fall is here. Rain is here. Yard sales … well, they’re still here, but not as much, and certainly not as much on my mind. I went to just one sale last weekend and all I bought was a 25-cent hammer. Not exactly exciting blog material, hmmm?

Meghan is off in sunshine-y Texas right now, and I think she’ll be giving a report on that after she’s back. In the meantime, here are a few links I’ve come across recently that are worth checking out.

• Yard sale movies? We’ve come across sites for two of ‘em: Yard Sale: The Movie and Zen in the Art of Yardsailing. Both look great — I’m dying to see them, but as far as I can tell they aren’t really in circulation. Anyone have any scoop on these?
• This is a pretty entertaining article about one man’s junking-method-of-choice: swap meets. This guy is a hardcore devotee (i.e., one of our kind). Great pictures, and funny stuff — I cracked up at the story about the record swap where the score-hunting squirrels started showing up earlier and earlier, until they were all just meeting up the night before.
• I Don’t Give A Damn is a true tale of a yard sale I’m really glad I didn’t go to. Small underground theatre companies, you have just found your newest short play.
• Over at Sweetheartville, there’s been a mind-boggling rash of amazing thrift and garage sale scores. Dang, woman!
• Finally, I cannot believe that this drool-worthy Heywood-Wakefield dining set was scored at a Salvation Army for a mere 39 bucks. Astounding! Her collection of ’50s lamps is also quite impressive.

That’s all for now … we’ll have more bloggy fun soon!